Ringtones Are Windows To The Soul?
by StarksthenameSnarkisthegame
Summary: When Phil breaks his phone - again, Tony builds him a replacement. Tony also gives him a free ringtone to go along with it. Rated K for language. Crackfic. CreepyPhil and AnnoyingTony.


No copy right infringement intended.

A/N This is another one of the stories that I've had on my computer for a while. Review, favorite, and follow. Warning: Language.

_**Prompt: **__**It's not uncommon for Coulson, when he's working on a case, to be asked if he's one of the Men in Black. Somehow Tony finds out about it and changes Phil's ringtone to the theme song.**_

Tony loves ringtones. You can usually tell the basic demeanor of a person by a simple thirty second song. Tony thought it was absolutely _genius_, most would say he was overreacting.

Tony met the team and then promptly pick pocketed each individual until he found their phones. Natasha caught him at first but then he waited until she got into the shower to take her phone. He could be a sneaky bastard when the situation called for it.

It was one of Tony's defense mechanisms. If you knew what a person was like then you knew what irked them, what didn't. He could start a conversation with anyone of them by mentioning the type of music he had secretly listened to. It was an open door for him. He could act like he enjoyed their hobbies, their music, and pretend to be their best friend; or he could do the opposite and annoy the fuck out of them. He enjoyed the latter obviously.

Clint's ringtone is Metallica's Enter Sandman. That tells you he's abrupt, cocky, and doesn't give a flying fuck. Fury's is the generic one that the phone came with. That tells you he either A) can't see the settings button on his phone or B) he also gives, little to no fucks. Bruce's ringtone is a traditional Chinese song called Mido Mountain by artist Yo-Yo Ma. It tells you that he's calm, that he likes traditional music. Pepper's personal cell phone ringtone is Girl On Fire by Alicia Keys. It shows that she's feminine and powerful (in Tony's opinion she's girly but he would never admit that). Steve's ringtone is To Each His Own by Tony Martin. It tells you he's old fashion, that he likes slow songs and is probably a gooey romantic type (Tony's words). Natasha's ringtone is Clock's by Coldplay. It tells you that she's young at heart, that she's calm and steady. Tony's ringtone changes every hour, he programmed an app that goes through his albums and changes the ringtone every sixty minutes. It tells you he's unpredictable and likes variety. Phil, who just broke his last Stark phone in Mumbai, had a non-descript jazz song for his ringtone. Tony, who was now programming his new phone, was going to change that.

Clint had told him about some very amusing situations that Phil had been in. Apparently he's mistaken for men in black frequently. Various children tend to get curious and usually gravitate towards him to ask questions. Since the new Men In Black movie just came out Phil was asked these questions more often than not. Apparently the agent was at the end of his rope, his patience wearing down after prolonged exposure to the kids. How could Tony ignore the opportunity?

Tony was practically giggling as his finger slid across the sleek screen. He clicked on the one he wanted to buy and watched as it was uploaded to Phil's playlist. He looked up at the ceiling.

"J? You've got the camera and the song ready right?" Tony asked softly, his smile growing larger with each minute.

"Yes sir, I have effectively hacked into Agent Coulson's phone camera. You should be able to see what the lens sees in real time. I have routed the feed to the screening room where the others are waiting. When the specific words 'Men In Black' are mentioned the recording should play. On another note, Agent Barton would like to inform you that the popcorn is done." Jarvis said softly, his sharp British accent cutting through the crisp lab air. Tony giggled anxiously, his eyes bright with mischief. He nodded and muttered 'thanks' before turning his attention to the phone in hand.

It was another ten minutes of uploading, deleting, and evil cackling before the phone was complete. It was ready and Tony was about to piss himself.

"Sir, I would like to inform you that Agent Coulson is here. He is requesting access to your lab as we speak." Jarvis said softly, his tone almost amused? Tony nodded and the large glass doors opened with a whoosh. The incoming air caused Tony's hair to flow back and his spine to shiver. Phil walked in as dramatic as always. Tony hid his amusement, his mask firmly in place as he held out the phone.

"Agent." Tony greeted flatly, his tone plain. Phil nodded and grabbed the phone from Tony's outreached hand. He hummed in contentedness and threw Tony a thankful smile. Tony shot him a small smile back.

"I appreciate it Stark, those damned armed guerillas have no mercy for anything electronic." Phil said softly, his fingers exploring the flawless screen. Tony nodded and walked to his work bench, hopefully accelerating Phil's departure. Phil looked up from his new phone towards Tony's back.

"I've got to go; I'll try not to break this one in a week. Thanks again Stark, have a nice day." Phil said with one final smile. Tony turned towards him, a small amused smirk on his face. Phil clipped his phone to his belt, making the camera view everything that was happening around him.

"No problem agent. Good luck on your case." Tony said softly, effectively ending the awkward conversation. Phil nodded and stepped out of the room. Tony chuckled loudly, practically imitating a stereotypical evil scientist with his weird, demented laugh. He ran to the home theater where his team was prepared.

Clint had the large bowls of popcorn while Natasha got the soda. The rest of the team were on missions, in Asgard, or saving foreigner's lives. Tony grinned happily despite the missing teammates.

"Jarvis your recording right?" Tony asked anxiously, his face splitting into a grin.

"Yes sir." Jarvis said softly, his voice cutting through the excited tension that was brewing. Tony nodded and sat down in between his resident assassins. Clint grinned over to him, sending him an appreciative thumbs-up. Natasha shook her head, a small amused smile growing on her face. They watched as Phil walked out of the tower to be bombarded by reporters. It was unusual for the tower to_ not_ be surrounded by camera's and money hungry leeches. He got into an unmarked SUV and drove to his next designation in silence. He got out of the car and started walking towards, what Tony assumed, to be a witness's home. He was stopped by three neighborhood kids though. They were around twelve, thirteen, and fifteen; they all had shaggy hair and baggy clothes to match their worn skateboards.

"Hey dude! Are you like FBI? Ya here for Mr. Stiller's murder?" The oldest kid asked loudly, his skate board in his hand. Phil sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"That's private information boys, I'm sorry I can't tell you." Coulson said calmly, his voice relaxed. They nodded and pointed towards his suit.

"Are ya trying to be like Will Smith or something? Those glasses aren't helping. This isn't Men In Black bro." The youngest said with a laugh, the others joined in easily. Tony bit his lip in anticipation and Clint sat on the edge of his seat.

"Here come the Men in Black  
(Uh it's the M.I.B.'s)  
(Uh here come the M.I.B.'s)  
Here come the Men in Black (Men in Black)  
They won't let you remember." The speakers of the phone released the appropriate song and Tony laughed hysterically. The kids were bent over laughing, their arms at their waist's. Clint was crying when Phil picked up the phone and looked at it with contained anger and curiosity. His brow was furrowed and his lips drawn into a straight line. The kids walked off when the song ended and Phil stood there silently, as if he was thinking. He looked into the camera, his face friendly enough.

"Stark? I'm guessing you can see me correct? I'm also guessing that Natasha and Clint are with you too? Haha…yeah, that was real funny." Phil said softly, his face covered in amusement. He looked into the camera, his eyes turned cold and his face stoic.

"I'm coming for you." Phil whispered as he slowly raised his taser into the camera's view. The screen went black as the phone turned off. Jarvis raised the lights in the room silently. Clint and Tony looked at each other, frantic eyes searching each others. Their faces held unadulterated panic as they both swallowed audibly.

"Shit!" They said simultaneously, both of them scrambling to their hiding spots; Tony to his garage and Clint to the nearest air vent. Natasha laughed before her face grew serious and panic hit her. She jogged off to her hiding spot, Pepper's private library. They were all constantly looking behind their backs, '_cause you never quite know where the M.I.B.'s is at._

A/N I hope you enjoyed this silly one shot. I incorporated some of the lyrics, as you can see, but I don't own anything. Review, favorite, and follow. c:


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